Why Ross's and Rachel's Breakup Still Bugs Me

I've been rewatching all the old episodes of Friends on Amazon streaming. I'm in the middle of season 3, in which Ross and Rachel take their infamous "break."

The tension between the two had been building for several episodes, and going into "The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break," I was expecting to feel sad, since breakups are sad. There was some sadness, but I was surprised to feel a considerable amount of anger about the situation.

In this episode and its follow-up ("The One With the Morning After,") Rachel wants to take a break from Ross after another big blow-up when Rachel again has to work late at her new job. That night, Ross gets drunk and sleeps with another woman (the hot chick from the copy place whom Joey and Chandler have been drooling over all season.)

Even though Rachel initially wanted to try to work things out with Ross, once she finds out about Ross's indiscretion, she summarily ends the relationship. For several episodes afterwards, the issue becomes Rachel ("You slept with someone else") vs. Ross ("We were on a break!")

And here is where my anger occurred. Certainly the fact that Ross slept with another woman is a good reason for Rachel to be hurt and angry, and even want to end the relationship. But, there is never once a conversation about what I perceive to be the real reasons the breakup should occur; namely, that Ross can't handle the fact that Rachel finally has a real career, in which she makes enough money to support herself, and she makes friends outside of the group that–gasp!–include another man.

Rachel has finally landed her dream job in fashion. While Ross pretends to be supportive, he is in reality constantly undermining her competence in front of her new employer. He shows up unannounced, repeatedly, and is rude to Rachel's colleague, Mark. Because Mark is moderately good looking, and also a man (and due to some woefully bad advice from Chandler and Joey), Ross convinces himself that Mark is trying to get with Rachel. Ross refuses to listen to anything Rachel says about her relationship with Mark, and performs a series of ridiculous acts to claim his territory.

This behavior alone is enough to undermine a relationship. Ross clearly doesn't trust Rachel, for reasons that are murky at best. Rachel has been nothing but faithful and loyal throughout their relationship, and now that she dares to have a male friend, she is suddenly worthy of suspicion.

Not only that, Ross also can't stand that Rachel is putting more of her energy into her new job than she is into their relationship. While I can understand Ross being angry that Rachel has to work late on their anniversary, I really think Ross needs to get a grip. In the real world, if an anniversary falls on a Tuesday, normal, working people wait until Friday or Saturday to celebrate. Furthermore, if he wanted to be romantic in the midst of Rachel's latest work crisis, perhaps a delivery of two-dozen long-stemmed roses would have done the trick, rather than showing up with a picnic basket and candles. Ross's behavior drips of desperation rather than of love.

Finally, it is clear that Ross thinks that Rachel's career choice is sub-par. High fashion has been Rachel's passion for her whole life, and even though she didn't have to get a college degree to have this job, she excels at it. She has finally become a fully independent woman, and Ross, with his fancy college degree and dinosaur job at a museum, can't believe that his romantic partner could possibly choose something so base. Ironically, when Rachel was simply a waitress, Ross was fine with that. Perhaps it is the male need to take care of the female partner that is being undermined; now that Rachel works in a meaningful job, Ross's role as the sole provider in the relationship has been removed.

In watching the fall-out of this breakup, I really want Rachel to stand on her own two feet and say, "You know what, Ross, this is really about you being a chauvinistic asshole. You can't stand the fact that I'm capable of taking care of myself, and I don't want to be with someone who isn't ok with me being independent."

Instead, the conversation focuses solely on Ross sleeping with another woman. Rachel doesn't take the opportunity to fight for her feminine independence. Rather, she just "can't stop picturing [Ross] with her," and therefore Ross "is a whole different person to [Rachel] now." Even until the bitter end, Rachel is focused only on Ross, not on herself. It's not that Ross sleeping with another woman made Rachel realize that she deserves better. Instead, Rachel now sees Ross as a "bad" guy, someone who is capable of hurting her. For the entire rest of the series, Ross cheating on Rachel is the defining event in their relationship.

I wonder how different the series would have been had the female characters been a little stronger and more independent.

Things I Think When Reading Google News

I take micro-breaks at work to peruse the headlines on Google News. (I have an Ultimate Badge for reading articles about Google, which means I've read 7 times as many Google articles as the average reader. Take that, bitches.)

I often just skim the headlines, unless an article seems particularly interesting, and then I might click through to the full article. Today's break revealed a whole treasure trove of wonderful headlines that don't even require me to read the article because I already know what they say.

1. "Gingrich Moon Colony Idea Not Well Thought Out, Glenn Says" - SFGate

No shit, Sherlock. Neither were any of his marriages, his policies as Speaker of the House, and his hairstyle.

2. "Jobs, Jobs and Cars" - New York Times

This reminded me of the recent Oxford Comma Meme. "Jobs, meet Jobs and Cars. Jobs and Cars and I go way back, to before you founded Apple! Heh, heh."

3. "Paula Deen Shocked by Lack of Public Support Following Diabetes Announcement" - Huffington Post

Um, sorry no one feels bad that you ate yourself into oblivion and gave yourself a preventable illness and are now profiting from it.

4. "Be Prepared to Sell Your Soul If You Use Google" - Forbes

Bitch, please. I sold my soul to Google when my husband started working there.

Considering all they really want is data about how I use the web, I'm pretty much cool with that. If selling my soul to Google means that I can find crap I don't need and crap I can laugh at that much faster, fine. Selling my soul is a small price to pay for having nice things.